What Your Fridge Says About Your Sex Life

Ever wonder what your fridge says about your sex life? Well, refrigerator dating expert, John Stonehill, breaks it down for you.

By John Stonehill, R.D.E.

Check out this fridge. Look familiar? It's neat and organized. The story your fridge tells is not just from the products you buy, it's from how you store them. This couple's story stems from how they buy and store their food in such an organized, structured way.

You know the type—they make a “date" to bang at 4:40pm on a Saturday, and then send a calendar invite to confirm it. Let me explain why:

No. 1: A stash of Fage 2% Greek Yogurt this big says healthy. A stack that neat says 3 and a half minutes of missionary before she gets on top. They're orderly and predictable.

To the couple, I'd say their fridge looks great. We all need organization in our lives. The world feels more chaotic every week and we want to feel like we control our little worlds in it. But that doesn't mean we should get too regimented.

No. 2: Now, in addition their rote of sex, I'm concerned about their frequency. All couples have their 'thing'. If they're lucky, they have 2 or 3. And X-Y have plenty of foodie items to back their 'thing' up: the Maille, the plant experiment, the little jar that looks like horse urine.

It's just with that much time dedicated to reading, shopping and prepping, there's no time left for the most important couple activity of all: banging.

Sure, there are other important things, yada, yada, yada. But sex is the only activity you have with just your spouse. And when that goes, the differentiation between spouse and friend goes with it.

Food is sensual. And I LOVE that they've made it an important part of their lives. But I hate to think the only thing that ever that got laid in this kitchen was the tile.

No. 3: Now, even though I have my concerns with Camp Canoodle, there is stuff I dig about them. Lets start with the beer. As I get a hipster vibe, he could have gone the PBR route; but he chose The Crisp, a quality 'hipster' beer from Brooklyn.

Also, check that well-appointed bar, Macallan included. X and Y are ready to host, a clear sign they're fun, social and genuinely like each other. If they couldn't stand each other, they'd want to drink (heavily) on their own.

No. 4: I like that they're big on breakfast. They have plenty of bacon, which I call the WD-40 of food. Weekend breakfast-in-bed is a great romance move and can pave the perfect path to Saucy Town. With the eggs and gourmet preserves, they have a varsity lineup. Just add OJ and champers for a Mimosa.

We have to work at a relationship, sex included.

Liquor helps.

John Stonehill, R.D.E. is a refrigerator dating expert and writer of the blog, Check Their Fridge

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